Justification

I realized as I grew up, I tend to not justify myself when things happen without I intended.

When a person ends a relationship out of the blue, I do pause in shock yet still, let them go with whatever they have decided. I tell myself, that I am in no place to make someone stay, not because I couldn't defend or justify myself of what was actually happening, but I just felt.. "if that's what you want, then be it"

Just that, sometimes, I hope some people do give it a try to understand.

That when things do not happen to what it should be, a little glitch could be all the reason it is.

So, I am truly sorry if things don't happen in your way. 

I am sorry that I am no help when my laptop suddenly decided to hang on the day I truly need it.

I am sorry for the unintended loss track of 1 minute and 18 seconds time. It was my fault for not realizing it. I accepted that a penalty makes it even for everyone who has tried so hard to keep on time.

I am really sorry.

Credit : The Good Men Project

On the other side of the grass,  I am lucky to have an adjunct spine - a supporter that has a strong-will of patience rooted from his pure love, every time I need to vent out the weight of my heart. Little did we know that it took an enormous transaction for him to bear -- A scar on his inner flesh we called heart. Although he will stand the fact that it is just a papercut or nothing at all, yet if I were in his shoes, I think my heart just gets lacerated. So if you-who-i-meant, read this one day, I just wanted you to know that I am deeply sorry for every second I made you as my punching bag, who will eventually turn into a shoulder for me to cry on top of my lungs, comfortably. I didn't know what I did to deserve someone as patient as you, who loves me being myself in my own world. I will improve myself to be the best for you, for us, and most importantly, for my own self. I hope you will always remember, that  I am always in my utmost gratefulness for having someone like you as my soulmate.

I think I found my heart a little lighter and relieved when I type this out.

If there's an existent of a hideout in my world, this would probably it. Writing is a translation of my heart. I should try this often. hehe I know, it has been a year and 5 months since I write here. You know, there's so many things happen throughout that period of time, I just couldn't get myself to write every single of it since I am living and enjoying every bit of it.

 Probably sometime, inshaAllah.

Your girl.

MCO Day 60, Ramadan 23.