Move On Journey II : What and How to do

The heart is the most resilient organ we have . Remember it can be crushed, It can  be shattered.

and don't forget, it also can remake itself, again and again.

 

Everything starts within you. Your heart. This move on journey is nothing but the journey of your heart. Why heart? It is because heart is the compass of your actions. You can lie within your mind, but you can't lie what's inside your heart. And Allah surely knows what is within your heart.

 

This compass inside you should be clean. and that's why hardship causes us to break those tears. It is to cleanse the heart from the dark spots of sins we made. We take shower at least twice a day to be physically clean. but How about our heart? How many times do we clean our heart?

 

Heart that is full of dark spots, will harden and eventually blind towards what's truth. We will be in denial in so many things, saying its fine to do this and that, everyone do it and what is the big deal?

 

 

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Heart : What you fill in it and The Attachments.

 

Here's a concept you have to live by. What you fill in your heart, will determine how you act upon everything. Let say, you fill your heart with the man you loved or the latest gadget you want. One day, when that man betray you or when the gadget crash -- your heart will break. This is simply because, what we fill in our heart wasn't meant for our heart.

 

What we fill in our heart is directly proportional to the degree of attachment.

 

To make it easier to understand, assume you have a car that is out of gas. So you went to the gas station to refill your gas tank. Unfortunately the gas happen to be way expensive that time. And coincidentally there is a stall selling orange juice which happen to be on sale, in cheaper price. So you decided to fill in your gas tank with orange juice. Sounds crazy, huh? But that's what happening right now. Most tend to choose from the surface only. What only naked eye can see. But sometimes, we have to look thing from the sight of our heart.

 

So what happen when we started to fill in the gas tank with orange juice? The car will not just malfunction, stop moving. but your car will also BREAK! Because we know at the first place, the gas tank is  never meant for orange juice. But it is meant for what it is created for, to fill with GAS.

 

The same goes to our heart. If we fill in our heart with something or someone that is not meant for our heart. Sooner or later, our heart will break.

 

If we fill this heart, with the love of dunya, say it something or someone you love. Know that the nature of this World is NOT PERFECT and WILL NEVER LAST. So when our heart breaks due to their imperfections or their promises that never last, know that the severity to let go of the attachments are very high. That's the reason why some gets hard to move on.

 

But remember this, everything in this world will come to an end. Something you have will sooner or later be something you lose. Those who are healthy will be sick.

And to know the fact that nothing is permanent, is to know that every sun that set will eventually rise. The sick will be heal. Something you lose will soon be replace with something better. This dunya will eventually come to an end for the everlasting Akhirah to live in. and so does with our hardships.  It will soon end :)

 

Allow me to help you imagine the picture. Medically speaking, Do you know ECG graphs? the one that has to do with our physical heart activity? Okay sketch that in your mind.

 

In order to know someone is still alive, there must be 2 types of lines ; One that is moving up. The other one that is moving down. If the lines doesn't move up and down, but just a straight line on the x-axis, meaning the person is DEAD.

 

So in order to LIVE, it is necessary for a human to be sometimes on top  and sometimes fall down. That's how life teaches us to be humble and remember, you will never stay down, just like how the sun will rise for a new day to begin!

 

 

Hence, who should be in our heart?

This heart should be filled in with one who deserves it. One who is perfect and permanent. Go try and seek who in this world matches this two term Perfect and Permanent. You will find none, except the One Who actually creates this Heart, Allah SWT, The Almighty. He is more than deserves to be solely in our Heart since He is the one Who creates it! But remember, Allah in our heart is more than just Remembering Him.

 

Allah in our heart is the matter of one's Taqwa.

 

Here's the analogy. When you enter your house, you will then close the door. Why? To keep you safe from any harm like thief or dangerous animal. The same goes to Taqwa. Taqwa is Our Consciousness towards Allah SWT, Our Fear towards Him. and it is not enough to just fear of Allah without doing anything. Back to the analogy, You will even lock the door and windows, don't you?  In this 21st century, most of us even set security alarm and CCTV. For what? Safety. Precautions. Protections. We want to prep, protect ourselves from anything harmful that might hit us.

 

So does has to with the feeling of fear and consciousness of Allah, in everything we do. It has to be not merely by just knowing but mostly by how we ACT. When Allah say don't go near to it, then don't. Because..

 

Allah say,

 

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا

"And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out" At Talaq : 2

Sounds familiar? Its the first part of Ayat Seribu Dinar :)

 

So what way out Allah provide? There's so many. Mostly, we will be protected from anything that harm or break us.

The concept is, when our heart is alive with Allah's existence (remember the word 'Alive' is heavy here), the way you look at things will be different. The way you perceive things will change. You're no longer perceiving things in a superficial way like blaming "why this thing has to happen?" or "this and that person should take the blame".

 

But you'll look at all angles of perspective, most importantly you'll see everything has to do with silver linings. MashaAllah how beautiful is that?
 

You'll start to always have good opinion in Allah. That "Whatever Allah gives me, I know that it is good for me. Because Allah would not do anything that its not best for me." This is extremely important as a Believer, to Husnudzhon Billah. To think it in that way, When Allah wants GOOD in that person, He test them. *cries*

 

If we are not, if we are disbeliever or rebelling against Him, then yes, Allah may punish us through that tests. But as Believers, we should always assume that Allah is helping us, that Allah is improving us, purifying us. Because the Prophet SAW said,

 

"The matter of a Believer is strange. Everything is good for him. If it is something that he want and he is grateful, then it is good for him. and if its something that he did not want or difficulty hits him and yet he is patient with it, then it is good for him too." -- and Rasulullah SAW emphasizes that this is only in the case for a Believer.

 

so, are we a Believer ?

 

May Allah make us steadfast to our Deen and amongst those who Believe.  Because only a Believer has the capability to see everything happen as Good.

 

 

 

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Since this journey is the journey of the heart, I must say it is all about SEEKING HIM. Before I put the technical how-I-did-it steps into order, lets praise to Allah The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful, that we are nothing if it wasn't because of Him. All these ideas, the ease in everything, the achievements and everything that is good is all merely by Him, not us.

 

When you feel like you can't keep going, turn your heart to Allah and say,

 

"I can't. but You can"

 

"I am weak. But You're strong"

 

"Take me in, not because of me-- but because of You. Your Mercy is stronger than my weakness. Your Perfection is greater than my humanness. I beseech You to replace what's lost, mend's what's broken, and allow my hope in You, to kill my despair"

 

With that,

 

#1 Prayer

We all knew this, but sometimes we took it for granted. Not just by leaving it, but delaying or even rush into it. and you know what is the saddest part? for the whole time we're living, we did not understand what we recite in our prayer, making our prayer less meaningful. We even think and plan other stuff in our prayer.  What happen to us..? :(

 

When we fall apart, try fall into sujud and feel the meaning of Allahu Akbar. That no matter how difficult the trials you're facing, no matter how broken they made you, Remember - ALLAHU AKBAR ; That Allah is The Greatest than all problems you have. He has The All Power over all things because He is The Almighty. Broken? Go to Al Jabbar, The One Who Mends. He can fix anything that is broken. No matter how broken it is, He can put it back together. You can be shattered into pieces through your life problems : So rely onto Al Jabbar, to fix it no matter how impossible you think it is.

 

 

For those who wish to turn their lives around, it begins by focusing on and perfecting the 5 times daily prayer. Once you put salah back as priority --before school, work, fun, socializing, shopping, TV, ball and games -- only then can you turn your life around. Have you ever wonder why prayers is set into 5 different times? why not just gather it all up 5 prayers in one time? the surface idea seems to save time isn't it? But allow me to direct you into another perspective ;

 

Why when the doctor says "take this medications, 3 times a day after meal?" or why we even take 3 meals per day at different times? (minus brunch or fasting. try to think simple)

 

Those who study pharmacology should understand this concept beforehand. It is because, every medication has its own half life to work. If the duration to liberate its function is 6 hours, meaning after 6 hours, the medication wouldn't work anymore or simply finish. So we need to take it at 7am then 1 pm, then 7pm to have consistent healing process. The same goes on why we eat 3 times per day, say it breakfast, lunch and dinner. It is because we need to keep supplying our body with energy as the time pass.

 

When apply this concept into prayer, Remember you wouldn't need Allah in the morning only. You need Him at Zuhur, Asar, Maghrib and Isya' too. Simply saying, We need Allah all the time to be with us as if praying is to recharge our soul. Who knows what is ahead of us at this different times? We need Him to help with our daily affairs, all the time, don't we? So this prayer must to be perform at the exact timing, in order to receive its utmost quality and benefits.

 

To make it more realistic, taking sujud into a count. The position of sujud is when our head is at the lowest level, kissing the ground. You know what happen at that position? All blood started to flow to the brain at the maximum rate, giving the highest amount of oxygen so that the brain will be able to function very well. That is the moment, the right thing comes into sense. During that sujud, you will started know what you really want, what to ask for from Allah. Its the time you know what is true and what is not. It is the most beautiful moment in prayer that you started submit the whole you to The One Who Create you and to let Allah to deal with your heart. It symbolizes humbleness. In fact, it reminds us that we're only a slave who needs their Master to lead their life.

 

Prayer is everything. That's why there's a hadith saying, "The first thing a person will be account on the Resurrection Day is his prayers. If it is sound, then the rest will be successful" -Tirmidhi

 

 

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Looking at the length of my writing warns me to pause this post to the next InshaAllah. It is too heavy to continue and I wish that you can grab and focus it one by one. I don't want you to drown too much in the gems till it makes you confuse. Lets just say my prescription this time, is only these amount of dosage, okay? I hope you're uplifted and doing great today!

 

 

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To dear Syuhada in-the-future,



Here's a secret. Say, "La hawla wa la quwata ila billah -- There is no change in state, nor power, nor strength, except by Allah" and mean it. Then you will see miraculous openings started to happen. Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Move On Journey I : The Struggle

Writing about this, wasn't easy.

 

Not because of its pain. But because I almost forgot how it happen. Everything changes so fast. Like a roller coaster, change in height and positions, in a split second!

 

But here I am writing just to extract some wisdoms and lessons from my broken phase to help those who in need. Most importantly, for myself in the future.

 

I received some DMs mostly asking about how do I move on easily? How I did it so fast?

 

and to be honest, It wasn't and never easy. Fast? No. It is a journey. Moving On is a Process. You got to do it every single day. Meaning, the first try you won't be succeed. Sometimes not even in the second and third time. You'll break and burst the inner voice in you. But that doesn't mean you have to stop. Moving On is a process, and we must keep going and keep trying. Soon, you'll be there :)

 

I would not paint you a perfect picture of it. But here's the reality that hits me.

 

Back then, I was knock down with bad fever which made me so weak to even defend myself. I barely stood up for my rights that I end up agreed to break up with a crushing shattered heart. Did I cry? Yes, very bad. I even could not believe myself that I hardly sleep and keep on awake with palpitations, when I knew I am a person who doze off easily.  I could not believe myself, that I ate not even half, not even hungry, when I knew I am a high appetite one. I may looked calm at the outside, but there's so much chaos within and around me. I can't believe myself that I ever thought of giving up with life, with my studies.

 

All I did was, crying and thinking why this thing happen.

"Have I not given my all? Have I not be good or loyal enough?"

 

My parents even try to win my heart. They asked me what I want to shop, what I want to eat, let's go somewhere and do something you want. To distract me. But I am all blank. I don't even know what I want.

 

I myself surprised the changes in me. It feels like watching myself in a drama. The one that locked herself up in a room, stays in bed through out the days. I was even in a denial. I read back all those conversations, repeatedly. I act like nothing happen as I even blog out some posts about the happy 'us' ! I dance and sang out loud to the extent I cried myself at the corner of my room.That's the point I knew I am already out of my mind. and you think, IT IS EASY? I even asked Allah to remove all memories from my head just so I don't remember a single thing about everything.

 

I knew myself that I'm a girl with all those hype and positive vibes.

Yet, it is not impossible for someone like me to fall apart too.

 

 

To the point that I am tired of the same emotional stress routine, one day I happen to awake in the middle of the night, take wudhu and cried the whole me on the prayer mat. I asked Allah, "If this is good for me, then please show me Your signs. If he is not the one for me, then please put me away from him and he away from me. Ease me ya Allah.. I'm begging You.."

 

I cried and cried until I fall asleep on the praying mat..

 

and that's all how my 'move on' journey begin..

 

 

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With the little spirit in me, I started to distract myself from the chaos of my life. First I tried to do covers. I know it sounds funny, but it is actually my favourite thing to do. I looked up for songs, but nothing suits me. All songs seems to not aligned with what I want. I can't go with all those breaking, sorrow lyrics because it speaks to much of myself. Yet I couldn't even go with happy songs, because I feel like lying myself.

 

Strolling down looking for songs until I coincidentally found this "Hanya PadaMu" by Ainan  Tasneem. It has simple meaning and very calming. I keep on singing and singing not knowing I was actually calmed by the zikr in the lyrics itself. I started to search for another kind of song like that, and I found Heliza Helmi's Jom Album. Ya Allah I had never been so calm after listening to it. Little did I know, as I repeating their songs, it actually penetrate light into my heart, and sparks a fire in me to start picking myself up.

 

 

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My holiday came to an end and yet I was still in fear. I have no idea how to handle this alone. So, I texted my sister to wait me at the airport. As I arrived, Hera and her friend, Anis were there to pick me up and we went for early dinner. We also went to  MPH and so I grab this "365" by Dr Anwar Fazal as the initiator of my daily spirit for my new semester, ehm new life?

 

I thought I would read it, one page a day. I am wrong. I finish the whole book in less than a week. So eager of moving on.

 

and still you think it is a SMOOTH SAILING?

 

 

 

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There are also days I started getting rumors of things I expected yet I don't want to hear about it. I'm the kind who off to bed early and wake up after 5 hours sleep. So it was 3 am, and I started to scroll down my socmed and I found something that breaks me. A lot. I couldn't stand it anymore and I take wudhu  to calm myself. But thinking of  "why I don't just pray away this sadness?" -- I spread the prayer mat, and cried as much as I could.

 

The next day, I started to unfollow account(S) that has potential of making me thinking of relationships. Not the account of that man though. because I have the thought of we're "professionally friend" (okay I want to laugh about this idea). You know those relationship tweets and instagram photos. Those aren't healthy. I even stayed away a LOT from my socmed at those times. I usually used pour everything that cross my mind especially in twitter. But now no more. I DONT TWEET A SINGLE THING OR FAV A SINGLE THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH MY FEELINGS.

 

 

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Still had no plan on how exactly things I should do to move on. But one thing I know for sure ; To distract myself from anything that could break me. I started to avoid music, dramas and movies. I started looking for something to re-develop myself.  I could not lie myself that it did not affect my studies. I was devastated when I failed my first easiest system at the beginning of the new semester.

 

And again I tried to pick myself back again for the next system. I still remember during the study week of CVS end of block exam, I begin to plug into Yasmin Mogahed's 3 mins lecture.

 

Tears falling.

 

Here's what she say - that put me to the next level of Moving On ;

 

 

Understand the nature of Hardships.

 

The reason He gives hardships is to bring us back to Him. To humble us. It is a wake up call for us.

 

لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ

 

 

The purpose of Hardship will become a blessing, if we in fact Come Back to Him.

 

 

Through the process of hard and difficulty, Allah is actually purifying the believers.

 

	وَلِيُمَحِّصَ اللّهُ الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ

"And that Allah may purify the Believers (through trials).." Ali Imran : 141

 

and the word "tamhis" is the same word that the gold goes through.  You know like the gold bars?

If we want to purify gold, what do we have to do to it? We have to heat it up until the impurities are removed, and then it is going to be a pure gold.

 

That process of heating up is Tamhis ; Purifying.

Allah swt says He is doing that to His believers.

 

So through our hardships and our loses, Allah is actually purifying our heart.

 

 

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How do I know the hardship is a punishment or a blessing?

 

and the answer is ; It depends on our reaction, our response to the hardships.

 

There are 3 response :

 

1. When a person response to their hardship with anger, with impatient ; then it could be a sign of a punishment, until/unless the person change their response.

 

2. When a person response with patience, then this is a sign that the hardship is a blessing and it is actually an expiation, which removes, wipes off sins. Like the hadith leaves falling from a tree.

 

3. The highest level of response is Redha or Contentment. When a person response the hardship with contentment, this is not just purification but also an elevation with Allah swt in a person's status. There are some people who Allah wants them a specific level or a specific status, which they could not reach by their deeds alone, and so He give them Hardships. SubhanAllah!

 

 

till I heard the last response, I get chills and tears falling again.

That's when I DECIDED to be content of everything that happen.

 

I don't want the sadness I went through is something I regret. I should be thankful that this is the time to elevate my level in His sight. Assume it like playing a game. To know how capable, how strong, how worth you are is when you PASS the game to the next level. You don't want to  just  stay on the same level, don't you?

 

That's life.

 

Allah wouldn't say okay I'm going to put you in a test tomorrow with a loss of something or someone you love. Study tonight and be prepare.

 

But he already reminds us, that life is a test.

 

"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient " Al Baqarah : 155

Can't we see, He directly said "give good tidings to the PATIENT", because HE wants to put us to the next level!

 

and you think that's it?

 

the next ayah Allah mention who is the PATIENT?

 

"Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return." Al Baqarah : 156

Unfortunately these days, we would only recite Innalillah wainna ilaihiraajiun when people die. When supposedly these ayah should be the core of our heart. ANY tests not just when someone passed away, should remind us that We belong to Allah. And if we fall in this life, remember to return back to Him, because Indeed and eventually We will return back to Him

 

and that's it.

 

The Ultimate Key of Moving On is : TO RETURN BACK TO HIM.

 

and when we indeed return back to Him, that's when we know the test is a blessing not a punishment.

we might not know what will be ahead of us. But as long as we seek Him, He will indeed be there for us.

 

He put you into the test and He will surely get you through it. You just need the power of TRUST IN HIM.

 

and how to have the power in trusting Him? What is the next step of moving on?

 

InshaAllah I will continue at the next post. I've been writing so long already. Just so you know, I want to emphasize that no one move on easily unless they asked Allah to make it ease. and it should be paired with efforts. We gotta walk the talk. So the next it is more about the literal thing I do to get back up.

 

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To dear Syuhada-in-the future, If you're reading this again, know that you've survive so much because of Him, remember to always return back to Him and you'll survive again in the next struggle :) I love you, don't hurt yourself.